Since M got back from his deployment (almost three months ago!!), I've came up with a set of rules. This may seem weird to some people, but only I (and family) truly know how he is. Deployment affects everyone in different ways and this is what works for us right now. There aren't many rules, but they are pretty important.
Rule #1 - If M is sleeping and I'm not touching him in some way, I won't touch him if he starts twitching, jumping, etc (like a nightmare). I will say his name, but no touching. It's not because I think he would hurt me, but I know it would startle him.
Rule #2 - If I'm already touching him in some way, I will rub his arm and tell him to calm down. It seems to work most of the time. I know he is still having the dream, but it's not bothering him as much as it was before.
Rule #3 - At first, I tried to watch his alcohol intake when we did drink, but it seems that it doesn't bother him as much anymore.
Rule #4 - Never ask questions unless he's already brought the subject up, and even though watch what I ask.
There they are... Not a lot, but very important for us. Did you have any rules when your spouse came home from deployment?