Since M got back from his deployment (almost three months ago!!), I've came up with a set of rules. This may seem weird to some people, but only I (and family) truly know how he is. Deployment affects everyone in different ways and this is what works for us right now. There aren't many rules, but they are pretty important.
Rule #1 - If M is sleeping and I'm not touching him in some way, I won't touch him if he starts twitching, jumping, etc (like a nightmare). I will say his name, but no touching. It's not because I think he would hurt me, but I know it would startle him.
Rule #2 - If I'm already touching him in some way, I will rub his arm and tell him to calm down. It seems to work most of the time. I know he is still having the dream, but it's not bothering him as much as it was before.
Rule #3 - At first, I tried to watch his alcohol intake when we did drink, but it seems that it doesn't bother him as much anymore.
Rule #4 - Never ask questions unless he's already brought the subject up, and even though watch what I ask.
There they are... Not a lot, but very important for us. Did you have any rules when your spouse came home from deployment?
Jessica
About Me
- Jessica
- I am the wife of a United States Army soldier. He is my heart! We got married in May of 2007. We just finished deployment #1!!
Deployment Survivor
Wives of Faith
Until They All Come Home!
Never Forgotten
4 comments:
1. I won't take the seat (anywhere) that faces an open door. He needs to sit facing entryways.
2. I will get straight to the point when I talk to him.
I'm glad our guys are hoome, but geesh...it's an adjustment in several ways..not just by the 2 things I listed above.
1. After the first tour it took me FOREVER to learn the nightmare rules, mostly because he sleepwalks along with them and I would always try and talk to him and that would just make it worse. Now I just let him be.
2. Don't go shopping together. Ever. He WILL find the exit in a crowded mall and stick to it like glue and I will only get annoyed because he ditched me.
3. If we're out and he says he would like to leave, we go right away. No questions asked. Sometimes he just needs to get out of the situation.
The list is much longer, each deployment brings new ones. The plus side - the longer he is home, the less urgent the rules are. Time has made him much more mellow.
Rule one, so true! It doesn't always happen, but still a good rule.
I have to agree with the above rule that if we are out and he says he needs to leave, we leave. period.
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